THE END OF MATERNITY

Author: Claire

If you’ve read any of my blog posts already, I think we’ve all established that I’m a ‘planner’. Not just by trade but that’s my persona too. That’s me. I like to plan. I like lists. I like timelines. And I like to know I have a goal to strive towards.

Me doing my wedding thing!
Me doing my wedding thing!
Image Credit: Summer Lily Photography

When I fell pregnant with Austin, I had a plan with regards to returning to work. I had hoped to spend the time that Austin was little building up Claire Clarke Weddings and, along with freelance work, have enough booked in not to have to return to a full-time desk job. But being a new mum took up a lot more time than I think I’d anticipated. I honestly had envisioned a happy quiet baby rocking in his swing next to me while I worked through the day between feeds. I think that happened once or twice! So needless to say, I didn’t spend the time building up my company as much as I’d hoped and over the next two years, Claire Clarke Weddings is quieter than it’s ever been.

Every family is different and financial commitments being one of the biggest differences. Ultimately, this was the driving force of my decision to return to a full time desk job and it’s been a hard decision to adjust to.

As I write this blog today, I have a rare quiet hour while Austin takes his morning nap. I have a cup of hot tea, the music channel playing and if I peer to my left, I can see my little man catching flies on the video monitor. As I type, a tear runs down my face as the realisation of today being my last day of maternity leave sets in. Gosh, it sounds so silly to be upset about it but this is all I have known for the last (almost) 11 months; just me and the little man and in just a few hours, that special time we have both been so lucky to share will be over.

Will he flourish with more independence?
Will he flourish with more independence?
Image Credit: Ferri Photography

A part of me though is glad to be getting my life back in a way. I’m not sure if that makes me sound like a bad mum? But the idea of being able to put a face of make up on, do my hair and wear business attire actually excites me. I’ll be able to drink hot tea, have adult conversation and go to the bathroom without a baby trying to pull himself up while I wee!

But alongside all the ‘perks’ is still that tinge of guilt. That niggling feeling of ‘would my son be better off with me at home all day?’ I’m scared of Austin experiencing all his ‘firsts’ without me to watch. What if I blink and I miss it? What if I miss all those things that make the memories?

Will I miss his first steps?!
Will I miss his first steps?!
Image Credit: Ferri Photography

Working part time is often thought to be the best of both worlds but I can honestly say for me, I have found it more challenging. It’s been a constant compromise as I’ve never been fully able to give myself to home or work. It’s been exhausting and guilt inducing as I’ve always felt pulled and ridden with guilt when my phone goes or I have to answer an urgent email with Austin around my feet wanting to play.

My lap has always been this little man's favourite place to play!
My lap has always been this little man’s favourite place to play!
Image Credit: Ferri Photography

I’m sure most parents feel all these feelings whether they work full time, part time or stay at home.

The truth is, there is no right or wrong. It’s just what is right for you!

So, after returning from our first family holiday I’ll be starting a full-time role new role with a new company. I’ll be sure to write a follow up blog post with the realities I’ve faced. In the mean time, wish me luck!!

And for all those mummas that are heading back to work full time too, this gorgeous poem from www.youthedaddy.co.uk is for you…

You’ve cared for me tirelessly,

since the day I popped out

and I’ve loved every minute,

of that, there’s no doubt.

.

But it’s time now to head back

to your nine to five;

I know it seems scary, but

I know you’ll survive.

.

Just think of the freedom

you’ll have, once you’re there,

with no nappies to change,

or me, pulling your hair.

.

Like drinking a cuppa

before it’s gone cold,

and dealing with grown ups

who do as they’re told.

.

Or grabbing a sandwich

when lunch hour hits,

without having to chop it

into small bite sized bits.

.

And wearing clean clothes

(that I’ve not yet stained),

while mingling with adults

who are all potty trained!

.

Plus, I’ll be just fine mum,

so don’t get distraught.

You’ve prepared me so well

with all that you’ve taught.

.

I won’t scream the place down;

I’ll smile on cue;

I’ll eat all my lunch up

and sleep when asked too.

.

Of course, I’ll miss you,

but the hours will fly by…

so be a brave mummy,

and try not to cry.

.

You’ve left me in safe hands.

It’ll be a right laugh!

I’ll fill you in later,

when you give me my bath…

.

It’s time to head off now,

or else you’ll be late!

Just try to enjoy it…

I know you’ll be great.

.

I see you’re still nervous

but, really, we’ll be alright.

So chin up, head down

and I’ll see you tonight!

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One thought on “THE END OF MATERNITY

  1. Pingback: BACK TO WORK

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