I have officially been pregnant for 272 days. That’s 272 days of waking up and the first thing I think of is the little being growing inside me. What fruit or vegetable does he compare to now? What’s he going to be developing this week? Is he really annoyed at me because I rolled onto my back in the night… again? With so many days already ticked off, why does having 8 days left feel so long?!
When you reach the last few weeks of pregnancy, a lot of conflicting emotions seem to emerge. I have been very lucky and had a very easy pregnancy so I’ve been able to carry on as normal for the most part. Now I’m finding it a little harder to walk, bend and even get up off the sofa which makes being pregnant very prominent in your brain! I can’t say I’ve reached the stage where I just want the pregnancy to be over, but I’m certainly looking forward to not struggling physically.
And then there’s the emotions… At the moment I currently feel like I have PMT but times about a thousand. Anything and everything can make me cry. Sometimes I cry and don’t even know why I am. I feel generally unsettled, like I can’t focus properly on anything and I zone out.
I’m a very organised person. I work within the events industry which requires me to balance a lot of different things at one time, think on my feet, problem solve and plan for events sometimes as far as a year or two in advance. If I go on holiday, I’m the one putting together itineraries, finding those restaurants that are full of local people and discovering experiences off the beaten track. I like to plan out meals for the week, order my books as I’m going to read them and I’m a sucker for a good to do list! So the lack of control of the latter stages of pregnancy are a little hard to deal with when you’re an organiser. It’s a very strange thought that baby could be here today, this time next week or realistically not be here in 2 weeks time! It would be so nice to know if he was going to arrive at 39, 40 or 41 weeks but of course that doesn’t happen…
The conflicting emotions are certainly tough! In some ways you can’t wait to have this tiny human in your arms. Then you realise you’ll need to experience birth first to get that experience and you feel a wave of apprehension. The birth horror stories people have so kindly regaled you with all pregnancy start to creep in to the periphery of your mind. Then you think how easy it is to care for him currently and when he’s on the outside, will you know what to do? Will you produce enough milk and will baby latch? Will you and your partner ever be the same again or will this third person take over? Will you be able to cope with the sleepless nights, nappy explosions and colic tears?
But then baby pushes a tiny foot against your tummy or gets a bout of hiccups and the surge of love that overwhelms you makes you realise you can wait longer, you can give birth and you can care for him in the big bad world. Although less of the waiting would be good… where’s that Youtube video on raspberry leaf tea and caster oil?